...fate is a b1tch?

Ok, here is the deal.

Once again I see myself on one of those moments where I have to choose my future and what to do with it. Once again it is work related.

I purely hate these times. Honestly.

I hate the fact the future is in my hands and I'll be the only one to be blamed if anything goes wrong. I am one of those people who hates change even if it is the slightest one. If I have to move the furniture around, I'll take weeks deciding and building up courage to do so. If I have to change paths on the way home – to change the routine, you know – it'll take a good reason to convince me. That's how pathetic and systematic I am. I am rarely enthusiastic by any change in my life, from ordering a new sandwich at Burger King to buying a new house.

One of my mottos is "Everything will be alright at the right time" (maybe a bit lost in translation). This summarizes how I'd love to leave everything to fate and destiny to decide my life. I'd be happy for it to tell me what to do and when to do stuff*.

But nooo…. It doesn't work like that. How does it work?

You have to make up your mind about things. You have to toss and turn in bed, and discuss with hubby for long almost 3 hours, you have to seek affirmation from your friends you are doing the right thing. And after you finally thank-god-I-couldn't-stand-another-minute-listening-to-you-rumbling-about-it make up your mind, you end up doubting very much so you are taking the right decision.

So in my opinion fate is a b1tch. Not only that, it is a lazy prankish b1tch. Because it is supposed to lead our lives in a way we can refuse to run its course. And yet again it gives you so many choices to make you believe you're deciding things yourself ** What a joke!! J

 

*This is just a figure of speech. Of course I wouldn't want to have my life controlled. But having a crystal ball showing the future and what it could hold for me if I took either side, that'd help a LOT, wouldn't it?

 **This is one of my everlasting conflicts between concepts of freewill, destiny/fate and God being omniscient.

…the hardest part is convincing yourself you need it?

Today I start my diet. As part of my annual trips to Brazil comes the preparation for it, and one of the most important ones is to look beautiful. I do want compliments when I go back and much prefer those tha the bitter comments I'll get otherwise. More than that, this time I do feel my heath is taking its toll on the hectic life lived the past months. I am used to eat my fruit and veg, but with all the flat refurbishment

And people coming to stay every month (no kidding, I has someone around since February and more than once they stayed more than a month) was hard to keep the menu going the way I like it. I ended up eating out – A LOT – eating what other people would make – with far much more salt, sugar, oil and fat than I am used to – and lunch resumed to sandwiches, and white bread is never good for you.

 

It is not like I fell I am fat, to be honest I feel like I've been fatter before, but I can feel on my clothes getting tighter, my hair and nails getting weaker, so I have to stop this vicious cycle and do something about it.

 

With the trip insight, I have the perfect motivation. And I know it always helps me to get there. My worst problem is when I come back from Brazil. I always look for comfort on the food. Its not it makes happy, but the way my mind works is to compensate the fact my family and friends are so far away and I have to put up with it, so it's only fair I don't have to torture myself because I want to eat something and I can't.

 

But I am glad I took the first steps, of identifying something is wrong and trying to fix it.

I truly believe I must comvince myself something is really wrong with me to put it right, and not only weigh-wise

The target is to loose 8Kg (~16 Lb) till December. I know I can do it, and anything I achieve will be a victory, even more if I start feeling better as well =)

 

 

Wish me luck!

... It’s sad people still think feudalism is ok?

Someone very close to me left me astonished last night.

During a trivial chat, she dropped the bomb saying she thought people should live on their own economic class to avoid discomfort.

First of all, I have to explain how things work in Sao Paulo – the place I came from. It is an energetic city, HUGE (territory and population-wise) and dynamic place.

There is what I can describe only as an infinite social and economic gap, between the poor and wealthy people.

When I say poor, I mean really poor - on the brick of misery. And when I say wealthy, I mean stinky rich, millionaires, billionaires even.

There is also a medium class, those who are not quite down or up there, but have their own house, a car for the family, the kids are on private schools and everyone is employed. Most are graduated or have even higher level education.

Usually, you have everyone living on the same places, but the extremes are more concentrated. The poor live on the favela (shanty-towns) or somewhere where everyone is kind of crowded, the crime rates are higher and are much more difficult to get to by tube or bus. The wealthy live on closed-gates communities, where they all stay isolated from the world outside – or on very high buildings surrounded by guards, CCTVs, 4, 5 gates, all to guarantee their security and peace of mind.

I come from the middle class. I've studied on public schools from the ages 13-19, we lived on a 4 stores building with 8 apartments per floor (my parents still live there)

We always had one car only and were never ashamed to walk the bus, the tube or simply walk.

I know nowadays the middle class is moving closely together to protect each other. The crime wave is coming with a force where it does not matter anymore where which car you drive or which clothes you wear to affect you. Some nice good at heart people are forced to go to the closed gate communities and sometimes they are not even that rich.

That is fine by me.

It is a natural movement, a fight for survive.

But now, to hear yesterday, this person, who I have always somewhat admired, say people should not ever live together on the same places completely takes me by surprise. People should be fighting to live the way we live in London, in England, in Uk for that matter – and not be preaching segregation by how much one is worth. Being forced to move is fine, when there is no choice, but there is – in my opinion – a HUGE step to be taken in finding that correct and saying is the right thing to do.

Her point was that when rich people live close to poor people, the poor ones will get envy and the rich ones uncomfortable and guilty. By living on the same kind of area everything is blended and you don't care by the amount of money you earn, you can enjoy a bit more the rewards for your work.

When you go to the streets here, you never know if someone living on that borough is poor or rich. You don't judge someone by the car they drive. The clothes they wear.

People could have a huge estate and be broken. Could drive a mini and be loaded. Wear Prada and own their souls to the bank.

It takes time, and knowledge to start realizing where the rich live, which car they usually drive, where they work and what they do. But it's all mixed, blended, hidden.

I believe it is as close to ideal as it will ever get.

People in Sao Paulo have the right to live in a better house, drive a better car, and wear the clothes they wish. Even if I don't agree with millionaires in a world where people kill each other for envy and lack of perspective, I agree people don't have to be the hippie I vindicate.  Now, supporting the cause rich people living along poor people is not only wrong, it is ignorant and short-sighted. Poor people could be inspired and touched by rich ones. Rich ones could develop a sense of charity, not the give-your-money-away charity, but give-a-little-of-your-life charity. Help others, show them they can get where you are without robbing or killing anyone.

But who am I to say anything?

Once again I have to admit I am a hypocrite who ran from it all. Took the easiest way out and don't have to get involved anymore.

I am not the hippie onem, giving out money, or time, let alone my life to help others.

Who knows one day the revolution will come and things will change? I'll tell you one thing, I'd love to be part of that if that day ever comes…

… There will always be cheaters?

Okay, this week was the week for two things in the British media.

Rain and Sport cheats.

Ok, as there is nothing we can do to change rain, so no point in go moaning about it, let's talk about sport cheats.

 

First of all, the one I don't care about. Tour de France.

I've lost track of how many now were expelled, suspended or lead to whole squads withdrawing from the race. One of the guys actually did blood transfusion **what??** to get more energy and assume 1^st place on it. Now, what is the point of training and sacrificing a whole year (if not even more) to something and than be helped by something illegal and which is unfair to the rest of the competitors?

As I said, I don't give a toss about tour de France. But I respect those who do, and for them I feel angry and disgusted by these runners behaviour.

 

Now, second. Formula One. Now this, I love.

Since getting married, I kind got completely hooked to it. When I was a girl, I used to loathe it. Every time my dad would turn the TV on Sunday lunch, would be to watch bloody F1 (yes, in Brazil the race is usually around lunchtime as well) and we wanted to watch the kids programme, or a movie. It was painful to watch cars going round and round with no apparent purpose. I wish I knew different, those were the best years of the sport.

So, when I got together with hubby, he taught me everything about cars. His enthusiasm and passion (more like love) for the subject made me turn around and now I am a biggest fan than he never was. I get physically anxious when I cannot see the qualifying or the race ( don't even get me started on the fact I didn't see the race last week because of the adorable * NOT* guests).

Ok, but we are talking about cheats. And what a cheat.

It is worth a movie. Right out one of James Bond plots. There is spying, theft, ultra confidential secrets and a huge document containing all technical details of a machine. So they go and build a machine like that one, and then, because they have time on their hands – come on, most of the work was already done anyway – they make it better and use the new machine for themselves.

Yeap, I am talking about thieves McLaren getting their dirty hands on Ferrari's plans. It was proved they had it, and it was in power of one of their guys.

So, yesterday, when they announced McLaren would not be punished AT ALL by the F1 committee, my jaws dropped.

We f1 fan already know they are favouring Mclaren because of oh-so-talented-the-media-wants-to-marry-you newcomer Lewis, but this is way out of line.

The least they could do is to show Ferrari Mclaren's plan, now wouldn't that be fair? (altough I assum it would never happen)

I almost gave up on the sport, but I know I won't. F1 is one of the sports you keep hoping someone will crash (but not get hurt, of course), break down or get really stupid so the one you support can win it.

I was sincerely hoping this would be a Ferrari year. This would give Massa a chance to be champion and I always thought Raikonnen deserved it as well, he always breaking down last season with that stupid little car and he was a magnificent driver.

 

But maybe this explains why they cheat in the first place.

They want so bad to win they don't believe they can do it themselves. They have to resort on dirty tricks to save their dreams, their money, their lives dedicated to a one and only subject: to win.

There will always be cheaters.

There will always be kinds who will grow to be adults who never learnt a lesson I've learnt from very early age. "The most important thing not to win but to take part". And do your best. If your best is not good enough, go back, practice and then you'll deserve a honest clean win.

Funnily enough, I've always won load of medals and trophies on competitions (sport and intellectual). Not always first place, but my best made me happy. Not obsessed with the win, but it was fun to take part and I guess this contributed to the winning.

 

There will always be cheaters, they will try and get away with it. And sometimes, like McLaren, they will.

They will say no one knew anything about it and it was all a mistake.

Maybe they will even go to win the competition. But will they sleep peaceful at night? Will they be satisfied with their fake win?

That I'll never know. And I am proud of it.

...it is hard to resist the curiosity?

I have never read Harry Potter. I don't plan to, to be honest.

What I wanna do (as I plan to do with the so-talked-about series Lost) is to wait for all the movies to be finished. Then I will rent all at once one very cold cosy winter weekend and watch it all at once.

I really hate being curious, if you want to see me climbing up the walls, tell me you'll say something later. You won't see the end of it!

That is why I always have to read the book until the last page (actually I always ready the last phrase before I even begin the book) , watch movies until the credits are rolling (and I don't like missing the start either) no matter how bad they are. This has put me in a lot of trouble, because I actually feel anxious when I cannot finish something I started, sometimes everybody will have walked out the room and I'll be there, eyes fixed on the screen waiting for the terrible movie to finish.

 

But why did I bring all this out again? Oh yeah! The last **or at least until the next one** Harry Potter book was out this weekend. And now I wanna know how it finishes. But I don't wanna read it – would take too long - or wait two years **even longer** to know it from the movies. I wanna know it here and now.

 

I don't know no one who reads it, and I don't have any good source on the net to look for it.

But I'll do it.  I am sure, my moments of boredom will be fulfilled with this task now.

Anything to get my fix of curiosity satisfied these days J

...visits should be like the scouts?

Don’t get me wrong, I lurve receiving guests - even more if they are family, after all, this is one of the things I miss the most from the homeland.
Throughout the year we receive many guests, from 4 to 8 a year! So I am kind used to it now.
But maybe because it has been just hubby and me for so long, and the fact I am so attached to my routine, it’s being so difficult to cope. And the facts there is a lot of them who came this time -all at once.
Most part of the current group is the type who is used to pay for everything to have all arranged on the snap of a finger - from cooks, to drivers, and people to carry your luggage.
What makes things more difficult is the fact they are people who also have a huge good heart. We now the moment we need anything, anything at all, they’ll be there to help us, and they’ve proven that more than once. So we have to be thankful and restrain ourselves to saying the wrong thing or come across as lazy or not cooperative.
On the other side…There are so many wrongdoings on their staying I could literally, write a book – it goes from being late to being complaining. And OMG do they know how complain?
Nothing is good enough, hot enough, could enough, near enough, far enough, sweet enough, long enough, pricey enough, cheery enough, exciting enough, cheap enough, pretty enough, ugly enough… the list is endless.
The worst of all is they didn’t prepare themselves. They didn’t know and didn’t bother to look for places to see, food to eat, hotels to stay or cities to visit.
So we have to take care of it all. Decide for them where to go, and almost always, we get it wrong. Despite our best efforts, it always goes wrong.
And then, we have to put up with moaning, whispering and bickering, not to our faces, but always on the background.
It’s hard to keep up with that!
But then, you’d say, a good thing about visits, they have a date to go.
But not in this case! Of course they don’t know when they’ll be leaving! They have changed that three times and still don’t know.
Their trip is like that, dynamic, always taking a different turn and being played by ear. Isn’t that great?? NOT (best Borat style, lol)
I guess I am stressed because hubby and I were trying too much to make this pleasurable to them, as we do to all our guests, but nothing works, because they didn’t plan anything.
Our visitors have, until now, always done their homework, at least a little teeny tiny bit.
But not these ones now, they are completely and utterly lost.
No hard feeling towards them, but I sincerely hope, for the sake of us all, they never ever come altogether again.

That’s why I say, guests should always be like the scouts, always be prepared: for the house to be a mess, for the food to be tasteless, for the place to be horrible…
This way you can be sure to enjoy every second of your stay and appreciate what the host has done for you – i.e. us :)

..IT professionals have some level of autistic behaviour?

Before you start throwing rocks at me, let me say I am and have been an IT professional for 11 years now, so I perfectly know what I am talking about...
AUTISM: pervasive developmental disorder characterized by severe deficits in social interaction and communication, by an extremely limited range of activities and interests, and often by the presence of repetitive, stereotyped behaviors.

It’s not like I am saying we are retarded, morons or stupid. It is only we do have a deviation of behaviour which makes us less social based on normal standards.
And the more I think about it, the more I see the point my colleague made to me last year.
1) IT people hardly say good morning to each other.
The far a conversation in the office will go is “how was your weekend”? Or “have anything special planned for the weekend” ? (speaking of which, these two questions drive me insane so expect a post on it soon!)
2) We are always happy to chat on messengers or via email though.
Since I was a kid, I dreaded speaking on the phone. At one point when I was about 9, I got through a kid’s TV programme competition line and hang up because I couldn’t bear to talk to them. This came back to me when I first got here and I used to hate having to speak to anyone I didn’t know. Meanwhile I was making friends through blogs and keeping the closest relationship ever with my friends in Brazil, via e-mail. Nowadays I still prefer a chat, email or text message. Even with people I do know. Not because I am making excuses, or avoiding them. Just because I think I’ll always lack that gene which should have came from my mom, who speak hours on the phone and face to face without even realizing how the times goes by.
My current boss and colleagues are always firing emails for the most insignificant reasons. To ask if everything is ok, if it is raining outside, if they can leave early. And we are all sharing the same bank of desks.
3) Our hobbies are almost always things we do alone
I love doing my web designs, and watching TV. I love staying at home, on the comfort of my own house.
Hubby (who also works in IT for god know how long) loves his cars, and trackdays - something he has to do and enjoy, alone.

I do believe all IT Professionals have some mild level of autistic behaviour. Some people I know even sweat and shake when they have to talk with someone.
Some still go and socialize with people, but usually there will be another thing going around - Alcohol. It makes them relaxed and able to talk to each other.
My boss is not so bad, though. She has a fair net of friends here, after almost 6 years in this place, but then again, she still is e-mail crazy and avoid at all costs phoning people up.
Another colleague has a serious problem - he just wanna talk to you if it is about himself and will talk over you every time he has a chance.
I am a self-confessed geek. I don’t how long I could go for without a computer, and do you wanna see me climbing the walls for freedom? Cut the TV and the ADSL (broadband internet) cable.

I truly believe people who start in IT but are normal, can’t take the pressure of living in such lonely not-talking-to-someone-every-30-minutes kind of life and change careers as fast as they can (and I have loads of examples about these types!)

Of course there will always be the exception to the rule, and I also know 2 or 3 normal people working in IT, but they are a very rare breed.

Hubby and I are fighting against it. We made some brilliant friends over the course of last year and now. We are always going out and meeting people, having nice friendly conversations.
I am trying to say hello and good morning to everyone I have spoke a word before and sometimes even to people I don’t know. But it is hard. When people just lower their heads or avoid eye contact, you usually feel like the worse creature in the face of the earth. In a way, it is good I adopted this ideal we are all autistics, it’s a fantastic thing to blame for people not wanting talk to me!
Edited: I Beatrice pointed it was a very bad taste joke coming from me. I am sorry for that and have now striken that from the post.
I never, in any case meant this as a joke. I was just expressing my opinion that we IT professionals really must have some kind of condition which makes us less social or socially dysfunctioned than normal people. It was just a reflexion and I didn't mean it as a "remark", but just wanted to make a point it is in a much low level, a characteristic of IT professionals must have. I am sorry if it sounded like something else, it was never my intention.